Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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