Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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