He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize