Got a toothbrush?
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
