You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Randomize
