I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
