I got chris browned last night
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
