i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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