The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
