Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
