Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Randomize