When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
