i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
