look no pants
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize