she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
