did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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