Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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