? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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