the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
