My hand turned me down
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize