Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
