So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
