Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
