Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
