genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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