So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
