In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Randomize
