I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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