Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
