And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
This is my gift to your gina
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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