I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
