I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
