i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
