Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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