I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I love having hate sex.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Randomize
