I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
