Old men and throwing up are my life now.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
