my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
