Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
