Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
