you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
