she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
