my sisters under your porch take her home
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
