Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
