An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
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