Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
