I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize