Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
