Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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