This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Randomize
