i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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