Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Randomize
