4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
