I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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