Your face is a jimmy john
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
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