Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Randomize
