Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
