try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
