Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
