I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
