I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
