It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
