I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm too high and old for this...
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
