I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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