we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
