dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
