I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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