She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
