the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
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