do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
