I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
