Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
