Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
