he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
