Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize
