My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
