I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
